Dear Reese,

We’ve been friends a long time so I feel like I can level with you.  I remember being a kid and going to my brother’s hockey games.  We’d get him into the change room, my mother would find her precious seat at center ice and then it was time… I got my dollar to spend in the vending machine.  Faithfully every week I bought my package of three peanut butter cups – I hear that other countries only get two… What the hell kind of criminal unkindness is that Reese?

Anyway, your original product is simple but perfect.  The chocolate to peanut butter ratio is just right.  Over the years you’ve tried some courageous things and for that, you should be commended.  But honestly, sometimes, it’s better to not mess with a good thing when you have it.  You don’t need to make them bigger or smaller… that just messes with your ratio of sweet peanutty goodness.  It doesn’t need stuff on it or in it because although it seems like a good idea it always ends up being awkward.  And I’m often debated on this one but your beautiful mixture doesn’t need to be candy coated either… keep on it with those Reese puffs, though… that shit is awesome.

Anyway, Reese, you may think I’m criticizing you but this is actually a love letter.  Telling you that your true authentic self is far more awesome than all this crazy crap you put yourself through to be relevant.  Three cheers for leaving your comfort zone, but dude love yourself the way you are!  You’re fucking fabulous.

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