Being honest brings me a lot of trouble sometimes.  I feel like the world has transformed into something so fake, that when you actually speak the truth to someone they don’t know how to handle it.  Part of my issue in life is that I’m so socially inept that I can’t even really figure out where it is that I make mistakes in my personal relationships.  I also have this tendency to bottle everything up and not really talk about it.  So because of this, I started being really candid about my feelings.  Not so I could just run around starting shit all the time, but more so I could find the flaws in my own perspective and change them.

The trouble is that most people want to squeak by with the little white lies.  They get annoyed with me when I refuse to credit someone who didn’t do the work or end up telling the instructor what really happened on set.  It’s not like I run down and tattle or anything, but  I talk to the teachers a lot.  I don’t like to lie, so when they ask me what happened I tell them point blank.  I want to develop the reputation that my word can be trusted always.  That I will be honest to a fault almost, and even be willing to get myself into deep shit for the sake of being honest.

There are too many deceptions and lies and I don’t want to be a part of it.  I’ve lost a lot of “really cool” people from my life because of my honesty.  However, the people that I hold nearest and dearest to me are the ones that love that aspect of me.  There was a time when I questioned the point of it all.  Over time I’ve begun to see that the positive results outweigh the negatives.  Yes, I’ve lost people, some of them family. But afterward, there’s this feeling of lightness.  I always have this desire to know more about everything.  When you’re honest about your feelings and they treat you like shit then you know for sure they’re an asshole and you don’t want them around.  The alternative is talking it out and returning to a place of understanding. Win-win right?  Sometimes people act like assholes and then come back later and say sorry and that they appreciated it but they just weren’t used to it.  Then you have understanding and respect as a part of your friendship and it is stronger for overcoming adversity.  That person will probably then realize the benefits of being honest with you when you’re making mistakes and you get the invaluable feedback that comes with candid observation.

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